Storytelling is so ingrained in who we are as humans it’s practically part of our DNA.
And yet most people have lost the ability to tell a really good story.
That’s a shame because humans naturally gravitate towards those who tell stories. A story can make any conversation more fun. Plus, you remember information better when it’s conveyed through a story.
As you may have guessed by now, I love stories. I’ve spent years studying, writing, and listening to people tell stories trying to figure out what keeps listeners engaged.
Here’s what my observations have taught me so far:
Good Storytellers Know Their Audience
Before starting a story, a good storyteller knows how to read the room.
Most importantly, they take a mental note of their audience. Is it a group of peers or are there kids around too? Is the room filled with close friends, or are you meeting colleagues for the first time?
Knowing your audience is the first step to telling a story that will resonate and ultimately help you connect with the people around you.
For example, if you’re meeting your new manager, you probably wouldn’t tell them about the time you had too much champagne at the company party and fell asleep in your boss’ office.
Good storytellers read the room, get a feel for the audience, and pick their story topics accordingly.
Timing is Everything
Most people do this:
They remember a story mid-conversation and instantly jump in to tell it, even if they have to interrupt someone or change the subject.
On the other hand, great storytellers intuitively pick up on the right moment to tell their story. Usually, this means waiting until the conversation makes its way back to you.
My friend Julianne is a naturally gifted storyteller. I once asked her how she knows when it’s the right time to start a story, and she said it often comes down to patience.
I’ve noticed that Julianne never tries to force her stories into a conversation, and yet she always seems to have the perfect anecdote ready to go when the attention turns back to her.
When it comes to stories (like most things in life) timing is everything.
Comedians are Extremely Good at the Lead-In
How you start a story is a crucial moment not to be wasted on filler words or rambling sentences.
If you bore people with the first sentence, you’re unlikely to recover their curiosity.
So how do you master the art of a good lead-in?
Try to grab someone’s attention by triggering curiosity with an intriguing statement.
If one of my friends calls me up and says “you won’t believe what just happened to me” you bet they have my full attention. Here are a few more examples of excellent story lead-ins:
- “Let me tell you about the crazy way I met my wife.”
- “Ok, let me tell you about the weirdest thing my colleague did.”
- “Have I told you about the time I spent a night in a Parisian jail cell?”
One way to get better at the lead-in is to listen to stand-up comedians, specifically how they start their stories. My personal favorite is Louis C.K.
Here are a few ways he starts his stories:
- “It was 1994 and I went to Russia.”
- “I’ll tell you the story about one time I thought I was going to die.”
From the very first sentence, there’s an implicit promise that you’re about to hear something good.
Point is, there’s no one way to lead into a story, but you usually can’t go wrong with creating curiosity.
Getting people curious to hear your story from the first sentence is much easier than having to win back their curiosity down the line.
The “Golden Rule” of Storytelling
You’ve piqued someone’s curiosity with a killer lead-in.
Great.
Now what?
One of my best friends, Desmond, always tells the most incredible stories, from start to finish.
Even if the story is super simple, like the time he asked a girl out on a date, he always manages to pull me in and capture my full attention.
He does this by following a simple storytelling structure:
- Uses a curiosity-based lead in
- Sets the scene with context
- Adds in some juicy conflict in the middle
- Offers up a satisfying resolution at the end.
That’s it. Nothing too fancy. Doesn’t even have to take more than 5 minutes.
This might sound obvious, but so many people jump into a story without any context. Or they’ll rush through the middle without focusing on the conflict, and go straight to the resolution.
Big mistake.
Because when it comes to any kind of storytelling, the “golden rule” is this:
There’s no story without conflict.
Any story worth telling will touch on the obstacles you or someone you know had to overcome.
Think about it this way:
Would you rather hear a story about a couple who went on one date and lived happily ever after…
Or how the guy was crazy about the girl after the first date, but lost his phone and spent the next two months trying to track her down only to finally run into her at a friend’s birthday party?
Be Succinct
Avoid useless information that adds nothing to the story or irrelevant tangents.
When I listen to people tell stories, this is the number one mistake people make, and they always end up losing or confusing their listeners.
Keep a Story Bank
This is something comedians and writers swear by.
Because even though you think you’ll remember the funny story about your nephew’s piano recital, you might forget it in a few months, especially the details.
So don’t rely on your memory to serve up stories on demand. Instead, keep a journal or spreadsheet where you write down the ones you want to remember.
Don’t Use a Story to Stroke Your Ego
Too often people will use a story to throw in details with the sole purpose of showing off and trying to make themselves look good.
Unless your recent raise or first class flight is relevant to your story, avoid the temptation to brag.
People are smart and will pick up on what you’re doing, and they’ll probably be turned off instead of impressed.
Animate Your Storytelling
If you’ve watched Louis C.K. tell a story, then you know he’s constantly using all kinds of techniques to pull you into the action.
He’ll change up his tone. He’ll make funny facial expressions. He’ll act out the events as he’s telling them.
You’re probably thinking… “okay, but I’m not a comedian.”
True. The good news is that you don’t have to act out the time your dog threw up chocolate to bring your story to life.
You can add emotion through emphasis, pauses, or subtle facial expressions, and people will instantly feel more drawn into the story.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, telling people your stories should be fun.
The ultimate purpose of a story is either to transmit information or connect you emotionally to the people around you.
So if you forget all the other storytelling tips you’ve just read, remember this one:
If you can make the listener feel something, then you’re already on the right track.
