I consider myself an ambitious person, who wants to pursue my passions and make a difference in peoples lives. Creating ideas and brainstorming plans comes naturally to me, but the execution is what separates fantasy from reality.
I attempted to address my struggles to execute with sheer motivation and discipline. I would get spurts of productivity, but soon those bursts would die down as I inevitably began to question myself. When I finally looked inward, I discovered something that I hid from myself for years; a fear of failure.
Facing my fears required a level of courage I didn’t think I had. It was scary, daunting, and at times painful to admit my vulnerabilities. Fortunately, through a lot of trial and error, I found a process that changed my life and has led me to my most successful years yet. If you have any doubts about yourself, then this is dedicated to you.
What is the Fear of Failure?
As stated by world-renowned psychologist Guy Winch:
Fear of failure is where the prospect of failing presents such a significant psychological threat, motivation to avoid it exceeds the motivation to succeed.
How do you know if you suffer from fear of failure?
There is no set diagnosis, however, psychologists cite a variety of symptoms, including:
- Frequent procrastination
- Lack of self-belief and self-esteem (including negative self-talk)
- Overthinking
- Seeking perfectionism
- Performance anxiety (mentally and physically)
- Playing down compliments or positive feedback
- Talking yourself out of opportunities as you feel unqualified
If you feel you can relate to the traits and behaviors above, then I encourage you to explore further. What is it that is truly driving those characteristics in yourself?
For me I had the answer — I hated the idea of failing despite trying my best, and I couldn’t cope with letting others down. My ego felt vulnerable.
If this all sounds familiar then let’s get straight to the process for overcoming this challenge. It’s an easy method that involves a series of simple steps and mindset changes that re-frame our entire understanding of failure and our life journey as a whole.
The Process
Step 1. Understand There Is No Failure — Only Feedback
How you define failure is a central component of your belief system. Think of it as one of your biggest internal networks that spreads what you feed it.
If you continue to deem failure as merely not reaching the desired outcome, then you limit your perspective and miss opportunities to grow. The message you spread around your psyche leaves out a critical factor — you have learned something new.
A great mantra to employ is “There is no failure, only feedback.”
This incredibly simple reframe helps us to view even the most significant setbacks in a new light, and move forward with confidence. Feedback implies that something needs to change, which encourages action and personal responsibility. It allows us to take accountability for our results, and avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over. Nobody has a perfect record, so embrace the opportunity to adapt and learn.
There are countless examples of hugely successful individuals who repeatedly “failed” in the traditional sense. Michael Jordan was cut from his high-school basketball team. Richard Branson and Alan Sugar dropped out of school. Warren Buffet was rejected from Harvard.
The difference was how they viewed those outcomes, adapted, and moved forward.
There is no failure, only feedback.
Step 2. Ask Yourself Two Important Questions
- Do you give your all to what you do? If not what would happen if you did?
- Do you go after what you want in life? If not what would happen if you did?
Initially, I couldn’t say yes to either question, so I had to answer the next part with what would happen if I did? That’s when I realized my truth:
- I knew what I wanted but I never fully committed to going after it
- I never gave my all to anything in life
Why? Because I knew nothing was guaranteed. Failing after I had tried my best was a terrifying outcome for me. The idea of going for what I wanted and not getting it was horrifying.
My fear went beyond not being successful and probed my darkest insecurities about my abilities. It was a defense mechanism that protected my fantasy fuelled ego from the truth — I was scared to find out that I might not be as talented as I thought.
Ask yourself the same questions and answer honestly. Be sure to write down your findings and flesh them out. Don’t be scared to challenge yourself, and delve into anything that comes up unexpectedly. Have the courage to confront your inner-most doubts and uncover hidden beliefs that are anchoring you from the future you deserve.
Step 3. Accept The Brutal Truth About Not Trying
When you don’t try your hardest, you leave room for excuses. You can justify that you could have put in more effort, and had you done so, the outcome would have been different. Know that the person you’re letting down most is you. I know because I routinely did this as a child.
I never tried at school. It’s easy for me to blame an irrelevant education system, but I just needed an excuse for why I didn’t do the best. As a young cricketer, I was talented, but rarely practiced. The truth was I feared if I practiced hard, I might not be as good as I thought. Abstaining kept this reality at bay, and the person who suffered most was me.
Later, I became enamored with creating massive amounts of wealth. I wanted it badly, but I never fully committed. I enjoyed telling stories of my ambitions and motivating those around me, though I rarely took action.
Why?
I was frightened and embarrassed at the idea of not living up to my dad. Coming to the UK in the 1970s, he built multiple businesses and assets that still serve him in his 70s. Imagine being the one to throw it all away, who tried his hardest and failed to build upon those foundations. The fear immobilized me, and I sunk deeper into my shell to protect my ego and my self-esteem.
Not giving your best is an excuse, a disservice to yourself, and a severe form of procrastination. Don’t allow yourself to waste talent in a bid to protect your ego. Go all in and accept the result as feedback.
Step 4. Realize Going For What You Want Leads To Your Authentic Self
I’ve met countless people who hate their jobs and feel there is nothing they can do about it. Starting your own business or quitting aren’t necessary.
Let’s say you despise working at a bank and want to work within self-development. You don’t have to quit your job and start your own coaching business. You can build up your skills and qualifications in your spare time while looking for opportunities to work for existing coaches or companies in the field.
If changing careers isn’t an option, then going after what you want can be as simple as doing more of what you love. If you enjoy playing sports, make time for it. If you lose yourself in the bliss of writing, then start your Medium account and write.
It’s okay to work for other people and have a regular job. It’s unacceptable to spend your life doing things you hate when you have a choice.
Always make the time to pursue things you love and are passionate about — this is where you reveal your most authentic self, feel free, and find purpose.
Step 5. Compete With Yourself Before Anyone Else
Don’t compete with others, compete with yourself.
I understood this after eight weeks of disciplined dieting, the moment I saw my six-pack for the first time. I don’t say that to brag. What struck me was the progress I had made. I was in uncharted territory. It didn’t matter how I compared to someone else. I made personal progress, and I had beat the old me.
We can all be guilty comparing ourselves with others, but what’s the point? If you’re not the best you can be, you have work to do. You can’t control other people, but you can control your actions. The real battle is against the current version of you. When you make personal progress, no matter how small, nobody can take that away.
Look to improve yourself before competing with others, and everything will fall into place.
Step 6. Ask Yourself, Are You Reaching Your Potential?
Following on from competing with yourself, do you want to look back and wonder “What if?”
At age 28, I am already doing this. What if I had given my all to cricket? What if I had fully committed to fitness earlier? I will never know because it’s gone.
This question motivates me daily because I know how many years I have wasted. It burns a fire inside me to make up for lost time and has led me to be the most productive I have ever been in my life. It’s what drives me to wake up at 5 am and write, to push my limits in the gym, and spend my weekends pursuing my aspirations.
I used to believe in fate, that I would be successful no matter what. This belief was misguided, naive, and arrogant. What I should have told myself, was that I would be successful if I gave my all to what I did. If I left everything in the arena, put the work in, and left no stone unturned.
As Gary Player said: “The harder I practice, the luckier I get.”
Make your own luck, and strive to reach your potential.
Final Thoughts
Fear of failure is natural — embrace it don’t suppress it. We all have insecurities within us, but our responsibility is to find the courage to face them head-on.
You have the blueprint, and it’s up to you whether you follow it.
Just remember that no one will do it for you — take ownership and make your own luck.
