Unrealistic Beauty Expectations
In 2020, 92% of cosmetic procedures were performed on women, totaling 12.4 million cosmetic procedures. As a female, have you ever been given unsolicited advice about your physical appearance? Do you feel judged for the way you look? Has going under the knife ever crossed your mind?
According to the 2020 Plastic Surgery Statistics Report, there were a total of 12.4 million cosmetic procedures performed on women. Additionally, 92% of all cosmetic procedures were conducted on females.
With statistics like this, no wonder women face insecurities around their appearance. We are held to high, unnatural standards society has thrust upon us. A female’s beauty is often based on how youthful her appearance is. Men are allowed to age gracefully. Women are not.
“We live and work in a world where people judge your value in seconds or less.” — Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., Psychology Today
Really? Insults Galore
When I lived in Florida, friends often visited me. One of my high school friends, from Massachusetts, and I ventured out on Atlantic Ave in Delray Beach. While waiting to cross the street, a very unexpected, disturbing conversation, about my looks, transpired between myself and a random man.
My friend engaged in conversation with the other man. Afterward, they headed off to the parking lot. We meandered back to my apartment.
When we arrived home, my friend said, “You looked really disinterested in the guy you were talking to.”
I shrugged and answered, “He was fine.”
My friend chuckled and responded, “You rolled your eyes at him like three times. Didn’t you think he was cute?”
Apparently, the man was good-looking. But his attitude blinded me to his outward appearance. I was also unaware of my eye-rolling.
I laughed back and stated, “Oh. That’s funny. Did I? Actually, he was kind of annoying. I didn’t notice whether he was cute or not.”
My friend questioned, “Well, what did he say that bothered you?”
I proceeded to recap my conversation with him. First, we talked about age. He was in his mid-40s, and he guessed I was 29. Since I was 38, being perceived to be a girl in her 20s was pretty sweet. But, then, the conversation took a nosedive. When I proceeded to tell him I was two years shy of 40, he asked me what kind of plastic surgery I’ve had. Really? Could he have insulted me anymore? I truthfully explained I had never been under the knife. Luckily, I had been blessed with some good genes. Wrinkles were still non-existent on my face.
He didn’t believe me. I insisted. The more he argued with me, the more frustrated I became. My inner dialogue wondered, ‘Where is this going? Why won’t he stop? Can’t he see I am not enjoying his condescending questions?’
The man proceeded to ask me if I believe in plastic surgery. I told him this was a tricky question. In my youth, I had never thought highly of plastic surgery. However, the older I become, the more open to it I am. I have seen friends and family utilize these tools to smooth out wrinkles. The end result was a more youthful appearance, which resulted in elevated confidence.
Also, who am I to judge such a personal decision? God only knows what I will look like in a decade or two. Maybe I will want to hold onto my youth. Granted, I don’t like when “enhancements” look fake. I can feel my face contort in discomfort when I spy on women who are desperately trying to mold themselves to society’s unattainable expectations. Why can’t we be beautiful in our own skin? In that sense, I do not support it. Thus, my feelings around plastic surgery flip-flop.
Next, he explained how he is a plastic surgeon. In his expert opinion, I would definitely need plastic surgery within the next 10 years. I am surprised he could not see the steam coming out of my ears. The conversation should have ended already. Instead, his tongue continued to lash out insults.
He asked what my mother looked like. I have two mothers, one by nature and one by nurture. I clenched my fists, as my inner demons bubbled to the surface. Our discussion was becoming way too personal for me.
My biological mother in Greece flashed before my eyes. In my mind, she had always appeared old. My adoptive mother in the States is youthful. Her first wrinkle appeared in her 50s. Depending on what factors played the biggest part in my appearance, genetics, or environment, I could go either way. There was no way I was going to share my inner dialogue with this jerk.
He then told me he was from New York, and he had recently moved down to Florida. ‘Great.’ I thought we could finally move away from all this talk about plastic surgery. The conversation was turning a knife in my stomach, and I just wanted it to end. Foolishly, I asked what had made him move down here. As a drifter, I am always interested to know what inspires others to pursue life-altering changes.
I fell right into his trap. He asked me if I knew of a certain show on TV. As I hardly watch television, I had not heard of it. Of course, the show was about plastic surgery. He had been the star of the show until there was a “minor” issue with one woman’s procedure. She took the problem to the press, which ruined him. He closed his practice in Manhattan and moved to Florida. The silly man was brutally honest. I wondered why men are so quick to expose their dirty laundry. My inner voice thought, ‘another person who needs to escape from the mess he made up North.’
My friend understood why the business card I held would end up in the trash. I never even bothered to Google the TV show he was on.
Maybe I should have taken it as a compliment that I still looked young for my age. However, being told I must have had plastic surgery was definitely a turn-off. The random things people say never cease to surprise me.
“16.7 billion was spent on cosmetic procedures in the U.S.” — 2020 Plastic Surgery Statistics Report
Flirting or Client Prospecting?
Did this guy give me his business card because he actually thought I would pursue his services…10 years later? Or, did he try to knock me down with a backhanded compliment to pique my interest in him romantically?
According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Temporary insults that lower self-esteem may indeed make an individual more receptive to romantic advances and more compliant with requests. This may be especially true when the lowered self-esteem cannot be blamed on the other (such as when the insult is a backhanded compliment).
I am not really sure what his goal was. Maybe he was flirting. He could have been networking and trying to secure a new client. Maybe his emotional intelligence was low. Wherever he was coming from, the conversation should have never happened. My face is my face and should not be commented on in such a derogatory fashion.
“Flirting is the gentle act of making a man feel pleased with himself.” — Helen Rowland
Society’s Unrealistic Expectations of Female Beauty
The interaction I experienced reinforced society’s obsession with youth and beauty. Females are constantly being subjected to the judgment of their appearance. Even when we are young and beautiful, we are reminded of how we will age one day.
To overcome society’s fixation on your appearance, remember:
- Psychology Today states, “Kindness makes people more physically attractive.” The more beautiful and kind your soul is, the brighter your glow. In contrast, being mean can make someone less attractive. Even though the guy I was talking to was an attractive plastic surgeon, I could not see past his obnoxious attitude.
- The one who loves you will always be attracted to you. According to Psychology Today, “No matter our personal level of attractiveness, or our partner’s, as we get to know, like, and respect each other more, our attraction naturally grows and deepens.”
- Believe in yourself, and let your inner confidence shine bright. The more confident you are, the more attractive you are. According to Psychology Today, “Developing more comfort in your own body can greatly increase your dynamic attractiveness. When you focus on your strengths and seek out the environments where you’re most confident, you’ll feel more secure, which can translate into appearing more attractive to others.”
